We believe that good shared feelings are critical to all relationships. Our subject will be explored in two ways. The first approach will be from the standpoint of the relationship experience itself. The second approach will be from a transactional aspect. There are many ways in which our Shared Feelings can be expressed and be used as a factor for improvement of our relationships. Some of these will be explored in more detail than is possible in the relationship discussion. The initial transactional thoughts, remarks and observations will be by the author. Additional comments, we hope, will come from interested readers who have insights and comments which they would like to add. Individual recognition will be provided for all comments, thoughts and articles which are published.
Shared feelings of the right kind (favorable) are an important part of all relationships. They are key good relationships in the family, sports, the job,and all of the other things that we do with others. The importance of shared feelings is even greater when one is dating,Even though the dating experience is one of continuing evolution,the relationship succeeds or fails as a result of the shared feelings of the couple.If the shared relations are gueniune and positive,then all is well. If there are both good and bad aspects of the shared feelings, the warning flags should go up. If the shared feelings age positive, then the relationship is probably doomed.
Because this subject is broad as well as complex, we will look at all relationships from the beginning to the end as well as topically. As we do this, it will become apparent that shared feelings have great influence on the outcome of every relationship.
Every relationship has:
A Beginning
A Development
A Continium
A Decline
An End
There are basic differences between business relationships and personal ones. Our charge here is the exploration of personal relationships.
BEGINNING
All relationships have a beginning.The way in which a relationship can be as diverse as life itself. The initial meeting can be in person, by telephone, by letter, by e-mail or in some other way. In some cases, a third party is involved. If a third party is involved, it is helpful if shared feelings are maintained with the third party, seperately from any shared feelings that you may have with the person to which you are being introduced. This is especially true in the dating situation.
Each of has an individual identity which we nourish and protect as best we know how. At the beginning of a relationship there is a natural need to protect our own identity as our first priority. This puts us at conflict with shared feelings. Some effort is needed to bridge this gap. That effort requires both time and attention. The effort itself is also a matter of degree. Shared feelings should come only as the need to protect our own identity subsides. Shared feelings ought not come at the expense of our personal identity.As we begin the relationship, we also begin our shared feelings.
The beginning of a relationship is that wonderful time when you first learn abut the other person. Who are they? What do they want of you? How do they plan to satisfy that want? What do they like? What do they dislike? What opinions do they hold? Are these the same as you believe or are they different? Why do they have their opinions? The list of questions is endless. These questions as they become the basis of our shared feelings, affect our attitude about the other person. A bood attitude toward the other person can become the basis for developing shared feelings. As in all foundations, the soundly built, the better. This is especially true in the dating situation.
Good shared feelings often come from pleasant joint activities. These can be short or long duration, They can also be in person, by telephone, or in writing as a letter or e-mail. While pleasant joint activities can not be mandated,they can be facilitated by our attitude, by what we do, by how we do it and many other factors.
DEVELOPMENT
Now that we gave met and become acquainted, we naturely expand and develop the relationship and likewise our shared feelings. We engage in activities and non activities. The non activities are the times when we think about what we have done previously. It is this reflection process that develops our own feelings. The enjoyment obtained from our joint activities can become the basis for positive shared feelings. As we experience new shared activities they can be built upon the base of our previous good times together. This process can not and should not be forced. Let the shared feelings guide the process.
As the development process continues, the cycle of activitiesand subsequent reflectionusually intensifies in terms of the depth and frequency. This is also a natural process and should not be forced. This aspect of shared feelingsaffects the origional intended purpose of of the relationship. For example friends may become lovers.
At this time,each member of the relationship has has the opportunity to broaden the base upon which the shared experiences rest. For example if and as we meet the family of the other person, we now have shared feelings about the other person's family and freinds. There are many other chances for this to happen. Several of these opportunitied as mentioned in our topical discussions.
The development period can be an extended per or relatively short but with the result of an increase in positive shared feelings. Once the shared feelings rise to the level of the initial purpose of the relationship, the development process is completed.
Often, the original purpose of the relationship changes as a result of our shared feelings. When this occurs, we have a new beginning and a new development process. The changes which occur are a natural process. But in order to properly understand what is happening, the process of what is occurring should be kept in mind. This change in the purpose of a relationship frequently takes place in the dating experience.
Prior knowledge of the likely relationship changes can be very helpful to to all of us, but it is especially helpful for those who are dating.As these changes occur,they effect our individual self-identity. From the changes in self-identity comes often comes a change in our perspective of our own feelings. The changes in our individual feelings affects the shared feelings as our partner senses these differences.
CONTINUM
We have now entered the stage of our shared feelings where we maintain the attitudes and activities which we developed as a result of our previous experiences. In a normal and healthy relationship, these shared feelings are both pleasant and positive. Fond memories are key to maintaining a positive attitude and are equally important for good shared feelings. The prudent person uses this period to expand shared feelings, and to improve those that are starting to go awry.
It is important to understand that you can manage the improvement of your shared feelings and that it is quite important that you do so. By this approach you can schedule activities which will allow you and your companion to have beneficial shared feelings. These new shared feelings will help maintain the existing level of shared feelings and perhaps even improve them. Shared experiences either as a part of a small group or just with you and your companion, can be an excellent way to have good shared feelings. You jointly build good memories,god feelings and good shared feelings.
Be sure that you allow your companion to participate in the identification of new activities and projects. The process of gaining new shared experiences needs to be a joint endeavor. As a result of these activities, you will learn about the needs and interests of your companion. This will open other opportunities for positive shared experiences and good shared feelings.
As you share experiences, you should take the time to enjoy these activities. The enjoyment process increases your self esteem and makes you feel good about yourself as well as resulting in better shared feelings.
DECLINE
At some time or other, your shared feelings will enter a period of decline. The decline may be gradual or occur quickly. An illness is an example of a reason for a decline in shared feelings. The gradual change in attitudes by one or both partners is another example of a reason for the decline in shared feelings. Often life crisis situations will either improve shared feelings or adversely affect them.
It is important to realize that there comes a time in all relationships where their is a decline. The question as to what should be done about this decline is a decision of the parties to the shared feelings. The question is if the parties have the emotional reserves needed to put forth the effort to improve the shared feelings. The nature of the decline is also a factor in deciding if the shared feelings should be restored. If one of the members of the relationship has decided to terminate the relationship then that makes things difficult. The possibility exists in the decline of all shared feelings that they can be repaired. However that is not a certainty.
AN END
All Shared feelings have an end. This is useful to know as you enter a relationship involving shared feelings. The extent to which each member of the shared feelings relationship affected by the end of the shared feelings will vary substantially from case to case. One can be assured however that there will be at least a minor reaction. In some cases the end of the shared feelings creates a period of grieving. The grieving process has 5 stages. They are listed below.
Learn to accept that your loss is real
Make ir all right to feel the pain
Adjust to living without your partner
Find a place in your heart and mind for your departed partner and move on
Determine how to use all the love that you feel for your partner
The grieving process has no specific length of time to occur. One should allow it to have its own pace. It should not last for years on end. It will be helpful to become as familiar as you can with the process. The are many books and articles on the subject.